Grow

The smell of incense fills the room.
Just as the tears fill my eyes.
Tears of confusion pain and regret.
Tears of yesterdays not forgotten
And tomorrows not yet seen
The feeling of entrapment,
Consumes my very soul
Oh, to be free, to be loved,
Lost loves cause a lack of trust
No yesterday has been without pain
Freedom is a word lost within these ears
Trapped by unselfishness
Could someone come to save me?
Come to save my soul
From the pains of memories lost long ago
Memories of violence poisons my heart
The contempt builds day after day
Causing hate
Never before has hate brushed my mind
Hate such a strong word with strong meaning
Hate of my mother, my father, my lost lovers
Hate of all that continue to hide the truth
But, dare I hate?
Dare I forgive?
I feel it is not in me to forgive
I want to forgive
I cannot forget
They cannot remember
How am I to find divinity, serenity, happiness
'Til I learn to forgive?
My children and my love are all that hold me together
The souls of innocence
Poisoned everyday by all of the negativity
Negativity that surrounds them
If I hate, do I teach them to hate?
They do not suspect I hate
A dream has come to me
A dream of peace, of love
Of a smile across a worn face, my face
To be free
Free to love, free to touch, to smile
To go where I please
To live in happiness, bliss
Bliss, a dream?
To remember the hope in a young heart
To remember tomorrow can be better
To remember what I know to be right
Do I control my destiny?
Do I have the strength?

©Pamela N. Brown