Who would have thought that one simple moment would cause me to break down so easily? Certainly, not me, but it did happen. Throughout the twenty three years that we have been together, DJ has never asked for or gone after the little blue tin full of butter cookies that he did while grocery shopping the other day. And, I have to ask myself why on this day, this year, did he decide that he wanted to grab that little blue tin and place it in the cart? He certainly could not have gauged my reaction to seeing the tin, nor could he have expected the gesture to flood my mind with the sweet memories that brought tears to my eyes. Now, I have cried over cookies in a grocery store before, but that is a different story about pregnancy and Grasshoppers. Maybe, I will tell you that story some day.
Looking down in the basket at that little blue tin, a realization struck. I will never have another Christmas with her. Many little blue tins like this little blue tin spent their lifetimes in a closet holding buttons to place on clothing, beads to make jewelry, receipts for important purchases, and crayons broken by children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Those little blue tins sat on a kitchen counter, anxious to be opened by anyone that crossed the threshold into the warm kitchen and home filled with love. The sweet taste of butter and sugar awaiting to be chosen by the people that she loved more than anyone in the world, her family.
Sweet memories of an entire family gathered in a home completely crowded, full of laughter, and the spirit of Christmas filling the air struck my mind so quickly, that I could not contain the emotion. Flashes of a beautiful aunt with an infectious laugh, always happy and always proud, taken far before her time. Flashes of my father's freckled fingers, nimbly reaching down into that tin to grab the cookies with the little chocolate bits. I think I get my love of chocolate from him. Flashes of small children running to the counter and snatching a cookie and shoving it in their mouths before anyone could stop them. So much love and so much warmth could be found in every Christmas in her home, and every Christmas, that little blue tin of cookies sat on that counter and waited for all of us.
Christmas does not seem to be anywhere close to the same as it did when those little blue tins sat on her counter, and that chapter in my life has come to a close. So, today, it is time for me to create my own chapter and try to make my Christmases special in their own little way. Although my heart is heavy with the loss of so many people that I love, I will always remember that I carry them all with me, and they will always influence how I chose to celebrate my Christmas this year and all of the years to come, with love, laughter, and the spirit of Christmas.
Sunday, December 24, 2017
Tuesday, November 21, 2017
Friday, November 10, 2017
Matriarch
The matriarch of my family, Mary Frances White Bartley Kierepka, has moved on from this world, and I still see her each and every day. Over the last several weeks since her passing, the smallest things remind me of my beautiful grandmother. Although I have come to realize that I mention her more than once a day, people have told me that I have always done that. Maybe I just notice it more now because she has stayed continually on my mind. I will truly miss the influence that she has always had on both my boys and me.
When I see Grandma, it is in the little things that many people take for granted in their daily lives. However, she is the one that taught me those little things are the most important things that you will always have. So, it is those little things that I will never let go of.
I see her when I see my youngest son dance a silly dance with me as the stereo blares. My grandmother taught me to Jitterbug and Swing Dance at a young age. I always looked forward to overnight stays where the TV was often turned off and the music danced through the air. Children's laughter could be heard through the halls of the house, as Grandma grabbed a tiny hand and twirled her babies around. I have had the opportunity to hold on to some of those precious memories with my children due to modern technology, and they are now some of my most prized possessions.
I see her in my oldest son as he tames the feral kittens that live in our neighborhood. I think that the people of Haskell, Texas just knew that if they dropped a kitten off in front of Grandma's house, it would be taken care of. As the years passed, more and more kittens were born, and my grandmother made sure they had a warm place to sleep and food in their bellies. Over my lifetime, I watched my grandma handle the wildest of kittens, who were completely calm when she neared. They did not bite or scratch. They surrounded her just for that moment of a warm embrace or a gentle back rub.
I see her in the wild flowers that grow almost all seasons in Texas. Grandma had the most wonderful green thumb. She could take a limp plant that was barely clinging to life and nurse it back to health. She would pinch off a bit of a wild ivy to grow in her garden, and every single one of her plants would thrive. She had the sweetest most unique flavored tomatoes that grew in her garden, and I have yet to find a tomato that I loved as much as the ones that I would spend my days with her harvesting. What most of us saw as weeds, she saw as a valuable staple and refused to cut down. Whether it was dandelion greens, lambs quarter, prickly pear, or wild garlic, it was all used by her. She taught my children that they could live off of the vegetation of the land if they just new what to look for.
I see her in the birds that most people find annoying and a nuisance. The memories of her special bird feeders, and the boys begging her to let them feed the birds flood my mind. This was something that they loved to do with her every time that that visited. Even though they often overfilled the feeders and ended up spilling more seed on the ground than in the feeders, she indulged them in that little pleasure. She taught all of us that nature is a thing to be treasured and enjoyed. We loved the visits to her home where we could take in the solitude and smell the crisp fresh air. It was a place away from the blaring lights and noisy city that we have come accustomed to. So now, when I see a Blue Jay or a Cardinal, those feelings of peace and contentment wash over me, and my heart is filled with joy.
I hear her in the words that I speak to my children when they are upset with one another. "Things can be replaced, people cannot." These words of wisdom are words that I have come to live by, and I have tried to teach my children to live by. I know that they have heard her when I see them give up what little they have to make sure that those less fortunate have more. I know that they have been influenced by her when their hearts break for people that they do not even know. When life becomes tough and overwhelming, I remind myself, "God only gives you what you can handle." Those words are the words that got me through raising a son with autism. In my self-pity, I would remind myself that if my widowed grandmother could raise three girls and a disabled son on her own, I definitely could do it with my husband's help. I have learned from her not to sweat the little things, and I have taught my boys, "You can handle this," because I know that they can.
Although her words of wisdom hang in my mind, and I carry so much of her with me; I still wish I had more time with her. I wish for that moment when she became overjoyed and filled the room with laughter, and the thought that I will never hear that again breaks my heart. I wish for those peaceful mornings filled with the smell of biscuits cooking in the oven and the smell of International Delights filling the air. I wish to hold her once again, my arms wrapped tightly round her as the smell of rose scented perfume dances about. I wish for one moment to do all of the things that I used to do with her, but I know in my heart that moment will not come, and the sorrow weighs down my soul, and the tears sting my eyes. But, I can handle this.
Although my precious grandma has moved on from this world, through the little things, joy, compassion, nature, and wisdom, I do feel her presence enveloping me every single day.
When I see Grandma, it is in the little things that many people take for granted in their daily lives. However, she is the one that taught me those little things are the most important things that you will always have. So, it is those little things that I will never let go of.
I see her when I see my youngest son dance a silly dance with me as the stereo blares. My grandmother taught me to Jitterbug and Swing Dance at a young age. I always looked forward to overnight stays where the TV was often turned off and the music danced through the air. Children's laughter could be heard through the halls of the house, as Grandma grabbed a tiny hand and twirled her babies around. I have had the opportunity to hold on to some of those precious memories with my children due to modern technology, and they are now some of my most prized possessions.
I see her in my oldest son as he tames the feral kittens that live in our neighborhood. I think that the people of Haskell, Texas just knew that if they dropped a kitten off in front of Grandma's house, it would be taken care of. As the years passed, more and more kittens were born, and my grandmother made sure they had a warm place to sleep and food in their bellies. Over my lifetime, I watched my grandma handle the wildest of kittens, who were completely calm when she neared. They did not bite or scratch. They surrounded her just for that moment of a warm embrace or a gentle back rub.
I see her in the wild flowers that grow almost all seasons in Texas. Grandma had the most wonderful green thumb. She could take a limp plant that was barely clinging to life and nurse it back to health. She would pinch off a bit of a wild ivy to grow in her garden, and every single one of her plants would thrive. She had the sweetest most unique flavored tomatoes that grew in her garden, and I have yet to find a tomato that I loved as much as the ones that I would spend my days with her harvesting. What most of us saw as weeds, she saw as a valuable staple and refused to cut down. Whether it was dandelion greens, lambs quarter, prickly pear, or wild garlic, it was all used by her. She taught my children that they could live off of the vegetation of the land if they just new what to look for.
I see her in the birds that most people find annoying and a nuisance. The memories of her special bird feeders, and the boys begging her to let them feed the birds flood my mind. This was something that they loved to do with her every time that that visited. Even though they often overfilled the feeders and ended up spilling more seed on the ground than in the feeders, she indulged them in that little pleasure. She taught all of us that nature is a thing to be treasured and enjoyed. We loved the visits to her home where we could take in the solitude and smell the crisp fresh air. It was a place away from the blaring lights and noisy city that we have come accustomed to. So now, when I see a Blue Jay or a Cardinal, those feelings of peace and contentment wash over me, and my heart is filled with joy.
I hear her in the words that I speak to my children when they are upset with one another. "Things can be replaced, people cannot." These words of wisdom are words that I have come to live by, and I have tried to teach my children to live by. I know that they have heard her when I see them give up what little they have to make sure that those less fortunate have more. I know that they have been influenced by her when their hearts break for people that they do not even know. When life becomes tough and overwhelming, I remind myself, "God only gives you what you can handle." Those words are the words that got me through raising a son with autism. In my self-pity, I would remind myself that if my widowed grandmother could raise three girls and a disabled son on her own, I definitely could do it with my husband's help. I have learned from her not to sweat the little things, and I have taught my boys, "You can handle this," because I know that they can.
Although her words of wisdom hang in my mind, and I carry so much of her with me; I still wish I had more time with her. I wish for that moment when she became overjoyed and filled the room with laughter, and the thought that I will never hear that again breaks my heart. I wish for those peaceful mornings filled with the smell of biscuits cooking in the oven and the smell of International Delights filling the air. I wish to hold her once again, my arms wrapped tightly round her as the smell of rose scented perfume dances about. I wish for one moment to do all of the things that I used to do with her, but I know in my heart that moment will not come, and the sorrow weighs down my soul, and the tears sting my eyes. But, I can handle this.
Although my precious grandma has moved on from this world, through the little things, joy, compassion, nature, and wisdom, I do feel her presence enveloping me every single day.
Wednesday, November 8, 2017
Tuesday, November 7, 2017
Sunday, November 5, 2017
"We're Pregnant!"
"We're pregnant!" I am going to take this one head on. Call me 'old school,' or call me whatever you will, but this phrase makes absolutely no sense to me whatsoever. No honey, my husband and I, aka we, were never pregnant. I was pregnant, not him. For a matter-of-fact, we did not get pregnant twice, I did.
I know we are getting to a point in modern society to where everyone needs to feel included in everything, but let's just hash out the facts on this one. In the most simplistic terms, pregnancy is defined as follows: Of a woman or female animal having a child or young developing in the uterus. Sorry people, no uterus, no pregnancy. Only the female can get and be pregnant, sans the test tubes, experimental scientific artificial wombs, or a seahorse or other non-heterogamous animal species where parthenogenesis may occur. Therefore, a human male who was born a human male cannot get pregnant without scientific intervention. She is pregnant!
However, if you are are a father, I would like to take this time to congratulate you on providing your female counterpart the means of becoming pregnant. But, you did not become pregnant; did you? You took a few minutes (and I am sure I am being generous for allowing a few minutes for some of you) of your 24 hour day, danced your little dance, and voila, your partner is pregnant. Now, I know it is tough listening to her talk about being pregnant every day for 280 days minus the few weeks before she even realizes she is carrying a child, but that does not make you pregnant. It makes her pregnant.
Never once did DJ wake up vomiting because his body just did not want to pass his dinner on to his unborn child, or just because that is just what his body felt like doing at the time. He did not have to wake up with tears in his eyes because he rolled over on his swollen breasts which shot nauseating pain through his upper torso. DJ never had to worry about not being able to see his feet because his belly protruded out three times what it did before conception. He did not receive stretch marks from the skin being pulled so tight that it felt as if it were going to split. Not once did he have to deal with the pain of swollen feet and ankles, nor did he cry at the drop of a hat. I never saw DJ waddling from room to room, and girls, you know what I am talking about. As much as we don't want it, all pregnant women waddle. Also, I never remember DJ having to be put on bed-rest because something was just a little out of whack. He still got to work! He still got to drive, walk, go to the store, and play with our child. I am sorry to disappoint. DJ did not become pregnant. I did.
I do realize that it must be hard for the significant other to sit and wait for their child to be born, but that does not make you pregnant. I know, because I have heard it from many of them, that they feel it is unfair that they do not get to feel the first flutters of life or feel the first full on kick. Hey did you know there are devices that can mimic that now? Anyway, that does not make you pregnant.
DJ and I got me pregnant together, and we were in the pregnancy together; but I was the only one who was pregnant. I am not trying, nor would I ever try, to minimize his role in the situation. My body needed for him not to be pregnant, and his role was a great role, as I needed a provider. I needed him to make sure that I had the food to feed my unborn child. I needed him to rub my back because the extra weight was wearing me down. I needed him to make me feel better when I would cry uncontrollably over Keebler's Grasshoppers or Three's Company. I needed him to help me bathe and prop up my swollen feet, and I needed him to hold my hair while I dry heaved over the toilet.
So, non-gestational partners believe me, you are not pregnant; nor do you want to be. You need to be what your partner needs you to be. Be the steadfast partner, and take responsibility by showing her that you will take care of her when she is feeling absolutely miserable. Provide for her. Love her, and hold her. She is the one who is pregnant; and although, millions of women have been doing it since the beginning of time, pregnancy is never easy. Do not minimize the process by saying you are pregnant too.
I know we are getting to a point in modern society to where everyone needs to feel included in everything, but let's just hash out the facts on this one. In the most simplistic terms, pregnancy is defined as follows: Of a woman or female animal having a child or young developing in the uterus. Sorry people, no uterus, no pregnancy. Only the female can get and be pregnant, sans the test tubes, experimental scientific artificial wombs, or a seahorse or other non-heterogamous animal species where parthenogenesis may occur. Therefore, a human male who was born a human male cannot get pregnant without scientific intervention. She is pregnant!
However, if you are are a father, I would like to take this time to congratulate you on providing your female counterpart the means of becoming pregnant. But, you did not become pregnant; did you? You took a few minutes (and I am sure I am being generous for allowing a few minutes for some of you) of your 24 hour day, danced your little dance, and voila, your partner is pregnant. Now, I know it is tough listening to her talk about being pregnant every day for 280 days minus the few weeks before she even realizes she is carrying a child, but that does not make you pregnant. It makes her pregnant.
Never once did DJ wake up vomiting because his body just did not want to pass his dinner on to his unborn child, or just because that is just what his body felt like doing at the time. He did not have to wake up with tears in his eyes because he rolled over on his swollen breasts which shot nauseating pain through his upper torso. DJ never had to worry about not being able to see his feet because his belly protruded out three times what it did before conception. He did not receive stretch marks from the skin being pulled so tight that it felt as if it were going to split. Not once did he have to deal with the pain of swollen feet and ankles, nor did he cry at the drop of a hat. I never saw DJ waddling from room to room, and girls, you know what I am talking about. As much as we don't want it, all pregnant women waddle. Also, I never remember DJ having to be put on bed-rest because something was just a little out of whack. He still got to work! He still got to drive, walk, go to the store, and play with our child. I am sorry to disappoint. DJ did not become pregnant. I did.
I do realize that it must be hard for the significant other to sit and wait for their child to be born, but that does not make you pregnant. I know, because I have heard it from many of them, that they feel it is unfair that they do not get to feel the first flutters of life or feel the first full on kick. Hey did you know there are devices that can mimic that now? Anyway, that does not make you pregnant.
DJ and I got me pregnant together, and we were in the pregnancy together; but I was the only one who was pregnant. I am not trying, nor would I ever try, to minimize his role in the situation. My body needed for him not to be pregnant, and his role was a great role, as I needed a provider. I needed him to make sure that I had the food to feed my unborn child. I needed him to rub my back because the extra weight was wearing me down. I needed him to make me feel better when I would cry uncontrollably over Keebler's Grasshoppers or Three's Company. I needed him to help me bathe and prop up my swollen feet, and I needed him to hold my hair while I dry heaved over the toilet.
So, non-gestational partners believe me, you are not pregnant; nor do you want to be. You need to be what your partner needs you to be. Be the steadfast partner, and take responsibility by showing her that you will take care of her when she is feeling absolutely miserable. Provide for her. Love her, and hold her. She is the one who is pregnant; and although, millions of women have been doing it since the beginning of time, pregnancy is never easy. Do not minimize the process by saying you are pregnant too.
Saturday, November 4, 2017
Sunday, October 29, 2017
God's Promise
My child when thy art with me
Upon the other shore
Within the gates of heaven
Forever and ever more
There’ll be no more sorrow
Your tears he’ll wipe away
With joy we’ll sing forever
On golden streets we’ll play
Mary Francis Kierepka
3/17/1932-9/28/2017
Upon the other shore
Within the gates of heaven
Forever and ever more
There’ll be no more sorrow
Your tears he’ll wipe away
With joy we’ll sing forever
On golden streets we’ll play
Mary Francis Kierepka
3/17/1932-9/28/2017
Saturday, October 28, 2017
My Sunbeam
I caught a sunbeam in my hand
It glowed and glowed like golden sand
I lay upon the sand all day
My sunbeam washed my cares away
If I could stay ‘til shadows fall
Just lying there forgetting all
To be at peace with God and man
And all that goes throughout the land.
Mary Francis Kierepka
3/17/1932-9/28/2017
It glowed and glowed like golden sand
I lay upon the sand all day
My sunbeam washed my cares away
If I could stay ‘til shadows fall
Just lying there forgetting all
To be at peace with God and man
And all that goes throughout the land.
Mary Francis Kierepka
3/17/1932-9/28/2017
Friday, October 27, 2017
Lost
Lost in the middle of a crowd
Who knows that I’m around?
I wonder here and yonder,
Around this lonesome town
My home and friends are far away
I wish that I were there
To hold them in my arms once more
And tell them that I care
Mary Francis Kierepka
3/17/1932-9/28/2017
Who knows that I’m around?
I wonder here and yonder,
Around this lonesome town
My home and friends are far away
I wish that I were there
To hold them in my arms once more
And tell them that I care
Mary Francis Kierepka
3/17/1932-9/28/2017
Thursday, October 26, 2017
God's Love
God is on his throne in Heaven,
And we hear the angels sing
He is at our side forever
Here on Earth that he might bring
Us to his golden home up yonder
Heaven’s just a step away.
Mary Francis Kierepka
3/17/1932-9/28/2017
And we hear the angels sing
He is at our side forever
Here on Earth that he might bring
Us to his golden home up yonder
Heaven’s just a step away.
Mary Francis Kierepka
3/17/1932-9/28/2017
Wednesday, October 25, 2017
The Guiding Light
I walked alone in the shadows of the night
Until God came with his guiding light
I stumbled in the darkness
And could not find the road
The hand of God reached out to me
And helped me with my load
I prayed and then I stumbled
The mistakes are all my own
But I know that God is always
Near to help me with my load
Mary Francis Kierepka
3/17/1932-9/28/2017
Until God came with his guiding light
I stumbled in the darkness
And could not find the road
The hand of God reached out to me
And helped me with my load
I prayed and then I stumbled
The mistakes are all my own
But I know that God is always
Near to help me with my load
Mary Francis Kierepka
3/17/1932-9/28/2017
Tuesday, October 24, 2017
If
If I could be a kid again
And live my life anew
And knew the things that I know now
The things that I could do
I could climb the highest mountain
And sail the farthest sea
I would catch my home and loved ones
And hold them close to me
Mary Francis Kierepka
3/17/1932-9/28/2017
And live my life anew
And knew the things that I know now
The things that I could do
I could climb the highest mountain
And sail the farthest sea
I would catch my home and loved ones
And hold them close to me
Mary Francis Kierepka
3/17/1932-9/28/2017
Monday, October 23, 2017
Shadows of My Life
In the shadows of my life
I see the mountains fall
All the things that I loved most
The mountain buried all
I stood and watched it from afar
And felt so all alone
Then through the shadows and the dust
I saw a figure stand
And with the love that I had lost
Reached out and touched my hand.
Mary Francis Kierepka
3/17/1932-9/28/2017
I see the mountains fall
All the things that I loved most
The mountain buried all
I stood and watched it from afar
And felt so all alone
Then through the shadows and the dust
I saw a figure stand
And with the love that I had lost
Reached out and touched my hand.
Mary Francis Kierepka
3/17/1932-9/28/2017
Sunday, October 22, 2017
Sorrow
The sun is shining in my window
I can hear the morning bird sing
In my heart I’m feeling sorrow
I wish that I could feel the spring
Mary Francis Kierepka
3/17/1932-9/28/2017
I can hear the morning bird sing
In my heart I’m feeling sorrow
I wish that I could feel the spring
Mary Francis Kierepka
3/17/1932-9/28/2017
Saturday, October 21, 2017
Over Yonder
I will see you over yonder
In that glorious land above
Where the sweetest of the angels
Guide us through the land of love
Mary Francis Kierepka
3/17/1932-9/28/2017
In that glorious land above
Where the sweetest of the angels
Guide us through the land of love
Mary Francis Kierepka
3/17/1932-9/28/2017
Friday, October 20, 2017
Untitled
We go on our way, from day to day,
The best that we know how.
Sometimes we’d do things different
If we knew what we know now.
But we can’t know the future
And past we cannot change
So if you fall along the way
Get up and start again
Mary Francis Kierepka
3/17/1932-9/28/2017
The best that we know how.
Sometimes we’d do things different
If we knew what we know now.
But we can’t know the future
And past we cannot change
So if you fall along the way
Get up and start again
Mary Francis Kierepka
3/17/1932-9/28/2017
Thursday, October 19, 2017
Love Forever
The love we had is not lost by death
It lives with us forever
Our children and our grandchildren
Are part of you and me
And someday when this life is over
I’ll be with you forever
Mary Francis Kierepka
3/17/1932-9/28/2017
It lives with us forever
Our children and our grandchildren
Are part of you and me
And someday when this life is over
I’ll be with you forever
Mary Francis Kierepka
3/17/1932-9/28/2017
Wednesday, October 18, 2017
Things I Remember
Children playing by the fireside
On a cold and winter day
Mothers working in the kitchen
Singing softly all the way
Clothing hanging on the clothesline
Flapping gently in the breeze
Cows are laying in the barnyard
Chickens scratching where they please
Raindrops dancing on the window
While I am snuggled in my bed
Mary Francis Kierepka
3/17/1932-9/28/2017
On a cold and winter day
Mothers working in the kitchen
Singing softly all the way
Clothing hanging on the clothesline
Flapping gently in the breeze
Cows are laying in the barnyard
Chickens scratching where they please
Raindrops dancing on the window
While I am snuggled in my bed
Mary Francis Kierepka
3/17/1932-9/28/2017
Tuesday, October 17, 2017
Speak To Me Softly
Speak to me softly
My love in the wind
The whisper of the trees
Will bring it to me
Speak to me through
The song of the birds
You are always near me
I hear every word.
Your love is in the wind
That blows in the trees
In the gentle rain
And the roaring seas
I see your face in the rainbow
And the stars that shine so bright
You are always near me
As close as the night
Mary Francis Kierepka
3/17/1932-9/28/2017
My love in the wind
The whisper of the trees
Will bring it to me
Speak to me through
The song of the birds
You are always near me
I hear every word.
Your love is in the wind
That blows in the trees
In the gentle rain
And the roaring seas
I see your face in the rainbow
And the stars that shine so bright
You are always near me
As close as the night
Mary Francis Kierepka
3/17/1932-9/28/2017
Monday, October 16, 2017
God's Flower Bed
How beautiful the flowers are
Across the meadowland
They look like they were planted there
By some invisible hand
As you ride along the highway
And the road along the way
Their colors are like rainbows
As in the wind they dance and sway
You can see some pretty flowers
People plant with bowed heads
But they’re not quite as beautiful
As God’s own flowerbed.
Mary Francis Kierepka
3/17/1932-9/28/2017
Across the meadowland
They look like they were planted there
By some invisible hand
As you ride along the highway
And the road along the way
Their colors are like rainbows
As in the wind they dance and sway
You can see some pretty flowers
People plant with bowed heads
But they’re not quite as beautiful
As God’s own flowerbed.
Mary Francis Kierepka
3/17/1932-9/28/2017
Sunday, October 15, 2017
Untitled
I know that God can show the way
If we only seek and pray
Trust in the Lord with all your heart
Seek and you shall find
God will be with you all the way
Though rain and fog may blind
Mary Francis Kierepka
3/17/1932-9/28/2017
If we only seek and pray
Trust in the Lord with all your heart
Seek and you shall find
God will be with you all the way
Though rain and fog may blind
Mary Francis Kierepka
3/17/1932-9/28/2017
Saturday, October 14, 2017
Lost Time
Deep in the shadows of my life
I hide my sorrow
For all the things I did not do
I could not find the time
I did not find the time
And then it’s gone.
Mary Francis Kierepka
3/17/1932-9/28/2017
I hide my sorrow
For all the things I did not do
I could not find the time
I did not find the time
And then it’s gone.
Mary Francis Kierepka
3/17/1932-9/28/2017
Friday, October 13, 2017
Time Is What We Make It
When we are children, very small
Around our mother’s knee
We think the time will never come
When we are grown you see
Then we are teens we hang around
It seems so very long
“When will we be adults?” we say
And be out on our own.
Then we are young adults
With children of our own
We run around this busy life
When will they be grown?
And then we’re old we ask ourselves
Where has the years all gone?
We turn around a time or two
Then we are all alone.
Mary Francis Kierepka
3/17/1932-9/28/2017
Around our mother’s knee
We think the time will never come
When we are grown you see
Then we are teens we hang around
It seems so very long
“When will we be adults?” we say
And be out on our own.
Then we are young adults
With children of our own
We run around this busy life
When will they be grown?
And then we’re old we ask ourselves
Where has the years all gone?
We turn around a time or two
Then we are all alone.
Mary Francis Kierepka
3/17/1932-9/28/2017
Thursday, October 12, 2017
World of Beauty
I have to write what’s in my heart
Right now lest I forget
The beauty of the flowers
That grow upon the way
The blue jay and the mockingbird
I love to see them play
The little squirrel that sets upon
The branches of the trees
The butterfly and the hummingbird
The humming of the bees
When I feel blue and sad and down
I stop and look around
At all the beauty of the world
God gave to us abound.
Mary Francis Kierepka
3/17/1932-9/28/2017
Right now lest I forget
The beauty of the flowers
That grow upon the way
The blue jay and the mockingbird
I love to see them play
The little squirrel that sets upon
The branches of the trees
The butterfly and the hummingbird
The humming of the bees
When I feel blue and sad and down
I stop and look around
At all the beauty of the world
God gave to us abound.
Mary Francis Kierepka
3/17/1932-9/28/2017
Wednesday, October 11, 2017
7th Child
I was born in a dust storm,
In a Texas cotton field,
In the middle of the Depression,
In the year of 32.
Seventh child to my mother,
Who had all the mouths to feed
Here I came a little sapling,
In a great big family,
Raised on cornbread, milk, and taters,
And a lot of love you see.
Mary Francis Kierepka
3/17/1932-9/28/2017
In a Texas cotton field,
In the middle of the Depression,
In the year of 32.
Seventh child to my mother,
Who had all the mouths to feed
Here I came a little sapling,
In a great big family,
Raised on cornbread, milk, and taters,
And a lot of love you see.
Mary Francis Kierepka
3/17/1932-9/28/2017
Tuesday, October 10, 2017
My Love
Love to me is lost in time
A long, long time ago.
There was a happier time than this,
With faces all aglow.
I thought it would last forever
That time of love and peace.
With children around the fireside
A home of love uncested.
That time has gone forever
And trouble weighs me down.
But I thank God in Heaven,
For the happy years we found.
And the children and the grandchildren
That will live on after me.
They are part of us forever
I love them all you see.
Mary Francis Kierepka
3/17/1932-9/28/2017
A long, long time ago.
There was a happier time than this,
With faces all aglow.
I thought it would last forever
That time of love and peace.
With children around the fireside
A home of love uncested.
That time has gone forever
And trouble weighs me down.
But I thank God in Heaven,
For the happy years we found.
And the children and the grandchildren
That will live on after me.
They are part of us forever
I love them all you see.
Mary Francis Kierepka
3/17/1932-9/28/2017
Monday, October 9, 2017
Untitled
The sun is shining in my window
I can hear them morning birds sing
In my heart I’m feeling sorrow
I wish that I could feel the spring.
Mary Francis Kierepka
3/17/1932-9/28/2017
I can hear them morning birds sing
In my heart I’m feeling sorrow
I wish that I could feel the spring.
Mary Francis Kierepka
3/17/1932-9/28/2017
Sunday, October 8, 2017
Untitled
We try to do the best we can,
For we are here but a little while
We think we’ve reached out for the end
But we have to walk the other mile.
Lord God above, please take my hand,
That I might reach the other land.
Mary Francis Kierepka
3/17/1932-9/28/2017
Saturday, October 7, 2017
Untitled
So far to go before I go home
I have no real home here
Just a house that I live in
There’s a better home somewhere
There was someone who cared for me
And they are already there.
Mary Francis Kierepka
3/17/1932-9/28/2017
Tuesday, October 3, 2017
Sad Moments
Dark clouds hover over
And darkness is near
I feel the darkness everywhere
I cannot find the light
No matter what I try to do
It never seems quite right
I stumble on and on and on
I cannot find the door
The door to happiness it seems
Is closed forever more
But when I cannot find the way
I know that God is near
If I reach out and call his name
I know that he will hear.
Mary Francis Kierepka
3/17/1932-9/28/2017
And darkness is near
I feel the darkness everywhere
I cannot find the light
No matter what I try to do
It never seems quite right
I stumble on and on and on
I cannot find the door
The door to happiness it seems
Is closed forever more
But when I cannot find the way
I know that God is near
If I reach out and call his name
I know that he will hear.
Mary Francis Kierepka
3/17/1932-9/28/2017
Monday, October 2, 2017
Gift of Love
Love is a gift of God
A treasure to be held
I love my darling babies
More than all the world’s gold
I know I haven’t much to give
But I would give all that’s mine
If I could give them happiness
And health, and love entwine
To me this life holds nothing more
My life is nearly gone
I feel that I have failed in life
Most of the tests I should have won
Mary Francis Kierepka
3/17/1932-9/28/2017
A treasure to be held
I love my darling babies
More than all the world’s gold
I know I haven’t much to give
But I would give all that’s mine
If I could give them happiness
And health, and love entwine
To me this life holds nothing more
My life is nearly gone
I feel that I have failed in life
Most of the tests I should have won
Mary Francis Kierepka
3/17/1932-9/28/2017
Sunday, October 1, 2017
Football?
Dream: Damien and Khilla are playing. Missy yells and she has a small baby. There is s a man with Missy that is not her husband. There is a broken down car with parts strung everywhere. I am with Sheree at a football game. There is a flash of a drum major at the game. The stadium is in a great big store with a play place. I am with Stacey shopping. I am wearing a cut up fringy top. We are looking at 80s clothing. I see a t-shirt that has brat written on it. Suddenly there is a bunch of motorcycles. I end up getting caught in a lie. I told someone that I did not like football.
Analysis: So, a dream that people are playing means that there is a tendency to go against the norm and break the rules of convention. Well, anyone that really knows me knows that I have a tendency to be a tad abnormal, or as Igor says on Young Frankenstein “Abby Normal.” Just call me Abby then!
To see Missy in my dream relates to the fact that I have rejected a part of personality that I see in her. The baby represents innocense. So, in this case, it could be my on spirituality that I am rejecting. For instance, Missy has always been the most spiritual person that I know. Where I tend to be dark, she tends to be light. However, she is also the most intelligent and successful woman that I know. I do realize that I have a tendency to reject my intelligence and I sabbotage my own success in life. Hmm…. I will have to think on this one.
A broken down car often represents that you are experiencing anxiety and fear in your life. Therefore, this could be that I am always too afraid to succeed in life. I am afraid that being successful will crastically change the life that I have grown so very comfortable with.
Watching football often means that you have found satisfaction with your work. Well, this is contradictary of most of the rest of the dream. Isn’t it? I do feel a sense of satisfaction when I write, so could this mean this is where my future success lies? The only other time that I felt very proud of my life was when I was a drum major in high school. Sheree was also a drum major when we were in middle school, and we were the best of friends. Again, another successful friend.
The type of store that you dream about determines the analysis of the shopping dream. In this instance, shopping is symbolic of my choices, needs, and desires. Shopping for clothes signafies that you are looking for a new image. So, shopping for 80s clothes could mean that I feel that I have lost myself and need to get back to who I truly am.
So, the motorcycles signifies a longing for freedom and adventure. Yeah! I get that.
The lie signifies that I am hiding my natural instincts.
What this comes down to is that there is a part of me that I have long since abandoned. I miss that girl that I used to be. I was once so very proud and very successful in every aspect. However, I grew up, and life happened. Although I love to play the bad girl, I continue to be that little self conscious little nerd girl that longs for success and freedom. I am just too afraid that my life will change too much if I take the person I used to be back into my life.
Analysis: So, a dream that people are playing means that there is a tendency to go against the norm and break the rules of convention. Well, anyone that really knows me knows that I have a tendency to be a tad abnormal, or as Igor says on Young Frankenstein “Abby Normal.” Just call me Abby then!
To see Missy in my dream relates to the fact that I have rejected a part of personality that I see in her. The baby represents innocense. So, in this case, it could be my on spirituality that I am rejecting. For instance, Missy has always been the most spiritual person that I know. Where I tend to be dark, she tends to be light. However, she is also the most intelligent and successful woman that I know. I do realize that I have a tendency to reject my intelligence and I sabbotage my own success in life. Hmm…. I will have to think on this one.
A broken down car often represents that you are experiencing anxiety and fear in your life. Therefore, this could be that I am always too afraid to succeed in life. I am afraid that being successful will crastically change the life that I have grown so very comfortable with.
Watching football often means that you have found satisfaction with your work. Well, this is contradictary of most of the rest of the dream. Isn’t it? I do feel a sense of satisfaction when I write, so could this mean this is where my future success lies? The only other time that I felt very proud of my life was when I was a drum major in high school. Sheree was also a drum major when we were in middle school, and we were the best of friends. Again, another successful friend.
The type of store that you dream about determines the analysis of the shopping dream. In this instance, shopping is symbolic of my choices, needs, and desires. Shopping for clothes signafies that you are looking for a new image. So, shopping for 80s clothes could mean that I feel that I have lost myself and need to get back to who I truly am.
So, the motorcycles signifies a longing for freedom and adventure. Yeah! I get that.
The lie signifies that I am hiding my natural instincts.
What this comes down to is that there is a part of me that I have long since abandoned. I miss that girl that I used to be. I was once so very proud and very successful in every aspect. However, I grew up, and life happened. Although I love to play the bad girl, I continue to be that little self conscious little nerd girl that longs for success and freedom. I am just too afraid that my life will change too much if I take the person I used to be back into my life.
Life Cycle
To live is to love
To love is to live
The beginning of it all
We start out so very small
With few needs of our own
To be loved by Mom and Dad
And cared for ‘til we’re grown
We go through life
Looking this way and that
Our fortunes to be made
And then, in the end
As it was to begin
To be loved is all that we need
Mary Francis Kierepka
3/17/1932-9/28/2017
To love is to live
The beginning of it all
We start out so very small
With few needs of our own
To be loved by Mom and Dad
And cared for ‘til we’re grown
We go through life
Looking this way and that
Our fortunes to be made
And then, in the end
As it was to begin
To be loved is all that we need
Mary Francis Kierepka
3/17/1932-9/28/2017
Saturday, September 30, 2017
Untitled
I see your face in the rainbow
And the stars that shine at night
You will always be near me
As near to me as light
Your love is in the wind
That blows in the trees
The gentle rain
And the roaring seas
Mary Francis Kierepka
3/17/1932-9/28/2017
And the stars that shine at night
You will always be near me
As near to me as light
Your love is in the wind
That blows in the trees
The gentle rain
And the roaring seas
Mary Francis Kierepka
3/17/1932-9/28/2017
Friday, September 29, 2017
Home
Your home may be a mansion
Upon a mountain side
Or a little shack by the river
With only love inside.
But the feeling you get in the evening
When it’s time to go home again
Of love and peace and laughter
You tired and weary soul will mend.
You may wonder the whole world over
And strange, beautiful places see
But home is the place you dream of
No matter where you may be.
Mary Francis Kierepka
3/17/1932-9/28/2017
Upon a mountain side
Or a little shack by the river
With only love inside.
But the feeling you get in the evening
When it’s time to go home again
Of love and peace and laughter
You tired and weary soul will mend.
You may wonder the whole world over
And strange, beautiful places see
But home is the place you dream of
No matter where you may be.
Mary Francis Kierepka
3/17/1932-9/28/2017
A Childish Argument
I had this dream come to me last night. The dream had three main characters, two girls and the youngest a boy. In the dream there were a lot of children running around in the spring sun. The weather was perfect with a slight breeze. Small patches of white clouds speckled the bright blue sky. The fragrance of young flowers and grass danced upon the air. The echoes of children laughing rang through every ear. The barren trees of winter were filled with bright green buds.
A childish argument breaks out between the boy and the youngest girl. The girl tells the boy, “I love you and I do not want to fight with you.”
The boy yells, “I don’t like you! You are invisible to me, and I am invisible to you!” just like that, the little boy disappears. The girl knows that he is still there, but she cannot see him, nor hear him.
The girl goes on about her business. She begins to work on a go-cart for all of the children to ride. Upon completion, the oldest girl hops on and starts the engine. Their father approaches. He says, “Great job. I see you two have gotten finished.”
The oldest replies, “Yeah, I have been working on it all day, but she only helped with the finishing touches.” She knowingly made it seem as if she had been working hard all day even though she had not arrived until after completion.
“Well you did a great job then,” the father said as he hugged the older of the two. He turned to the youngest. Sarcastically, he said, “It was nice of you to finally decide she may need help.” He made sure to stress the “finally” bringing a tear to the young girl’s eye.
The girl walks on and holds her head up high regardless of how she feels. She notices her sister running ahead of her whispering in all the other children’s ears. The young girl does not make anything of it as she walks on. She is oblivious to what is going on around her. The girl starts to hear chuckling as she walks by the other children. She approaches her supposedly good friends. When she begins to speak to them, they quickly turn their backs to her. She is left with no friends and a lack of trust from her family members.
She meets a boy that does not believe what the others are saying about her. He can actually see the real girl that is hiding deep down inside. Their faces glow with smiles. All of the laughing and whispering is drowned out. The boy’s hand lightly brushes the hair from the girl’s cheeks. Hand in hand, the couple turns around and runs away.
No analysis required. This one is fairly easy to determine the root. This is pretty much how most of my life has been. Granted, my family and I get along very well now, but there was a time when there was so much turmoil that I am still very insecure.
A childish argument breaks out between the boy and the youngest girl. The girl tells the boy, “I love you and I do not want to fight with you.”
The boy yells, “I don’t like you! You are invisible to me, and I am invisible to you!” just like that, the little boy disappears. The girl knows that he is still there, but she cannot see him, nor hear him.
The girl goes on about her business. She begins to work on a go-cart for all of the children to ride. Upon completion, the oldest girl hops on and starts the engine. Their father approaches. He says, “Great job. I see you two have gotten finished.”
The oldest replies, “Yeah, I have been working on it all day, but she only helped with the finishing touches.” She knowingly made it seem as if she had been working hard all day even though she had not arrived until after completion.
“Well you did a great job then,” the father said as he hugged the older of the two. He turned to the youngest. Sarcastically, he said, “It was nice of you to finally decide she may need help.” He made sure to stress the “finally” bringing a tear to the young girl’s eye.
The girl walks on and holds her head up high regardless of how she feels. She notices her sister running ahead of her whispering in all the other children’s ears. The young girl does not make anything of it as she walks on. She is oblivious to what is going on around her. The girl starts to hear chuckling as she walks by the other children. She approaches her supposedly good friends. When she begins to speak to them, they quickly turn their backs to her. She is left with no friends and a lack of trust from her family members.
She meets a boy that does not believe what the others are saying about her. He can actually see the real girl that is hiding deep down inside. Their faces glow with smiles. All of the laughing and whispering is drowned out. The boy’s hand lightly brushes the hair from the girl’s cheeks. Hand in hand, the couple turns around and runs away.
No analysis required. This one is fairly easy to determine the root. This is pretty much how most of my life has been. Granted, my family and I get along very well now, but there was a time when there was so much turmoil that I am still very insecure.
Thursday, September 28, 2017
The Last Row to Hoe
It’s been a long day
We’ve lived a good life
Good or bad we made it through
But it’s been a long day
And it’s time to go home
The sun is getting low
Dusty dark is near
So it’s been a long day
And its time to go home
Mom is waiting there
With supper on the stove
Biscuits and gravy, cornbread and beans, and more
Maybe ham or even rabbit stew
It’s been a long day
And its time to go home
This is the last row to hoe.
Mary Francis Kierepka
3/17/1932-9/28/2017
You will be greatly missed, but you will never be forgotten. I love and miss you, Grandma.
We’ve lived a good life
Good or bad we made it through
But it’s been a long day
And it’s time to go home
The sun is getting low
Dusty dark is near
So it’s been a long day
And its time to go home
Mom is waiting there
With supper on the stove
Biscuits and gravy, cornbread and beans, and more
Maybe ham or even rabbit stew
It’s been a long day
And its time to go home
This is the last row to hoe.
Mary Francis Kierepka
3/17/1932-9/28/2017
You will be greatly missed, but you will never be forgotten. I love and miss you, Grandma.
Monday, September 25, 2017
Happy Anniversary
As my son says, I am the Aphrodite to his father's Aries. I don’t know how DJ feels about being called the God of war, but I love the comparison. Happy Anniversary, Darren. I could never have asked for a better man to spend the last 22 years, & here’s to many, many more.
Sunday, September 24, 2017
I'm Melting
While researching my family tree, I found out one of my Dad's Irish ancestors was a slave. I also have Comanche, Cherokee, and Creek ancestors. Some of my Dad's family has been on this land since this was Mexico, so technically, I have Mexican ancestry as well. Damn, I just realized I am the epitome of the melting pot theory. I should change my name to Heinz 57. I am at such odds with myself. Part of me hates part of me because another part of me should be crying for retribution from the rest of me. Ugh... my head's about to explode.
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